A Firm Handshake with Change.

I have a secret.

I HATE change.

I can't embrace it. Most I can muster up is a cordial wave, and MAYBE a firm handshake. If I have to.

I hide it well, I know. Most of you can't even believe it, can you? ;) And yet, my life has been completely turned upside-down, and I'm coping. I am a planner. And my plans might change, but I still like being able to have a plan to focus on. And that's not the case right now.

We moved. Surprise! And my world turned upside-down. And now as the dust is settling, more changes are just around the bend. To keep this from being too cryptic, it's related to my livelihood(s). New opportunities are presenting themselves, and the comfort of routine isn't all that comfortable anymore. Or routine! I'm not intentionally leaving out many details, I don't have many to give! *lol*

I'm just sitting here, clutching to the sofa, and trying to ride out the waves!

Baby Steps

I promise myself I will remember this moment when they're teenagers and annoying the crap out of each other (and me)

Tobes has started to walk more than crawl now. He's cruising. He's moving from one piece of furniture to the other (walking hands-free inbetween), from one person's leg to another, and standing around just watching Princess play. This is brand new as of this week, and pretty fantastic to watch.

It's amazing to watch the transition Tobes is going through from crawling to walking. Though even now, he prefers to walk holding onto our fingers, and I usually have to pry my fingers from his grasp for him to walk on his own. He stops for a minute and looks back at me before taking the tentative step on his own.

But this post isn't about him... It's about me!

I have been cruising the metaphorical furniture in my career so far. It's been comfortable. I don't need to go to the center of the room, I am good right here hanging out between the couch and the coffee table. But I see those arms beckoning me away. They're JUST out of my reach, and if I stumble, they might not catch me in time.

And I don't yet realize that the middle of the room is where it's at, and beyond that there are HUGE applications for this newly acquired skill. I can walk to the middle of the room, I can walk back. I can walk with the big kids, and sometimes walking leads to running, and then watch out!!

But to picture myself running at this point is impossible. There are too many things to do, too many things to learn. And that's when I get overwhelmed, and cling to my safe, comfortable couch...

Baby steps, Erie. Baby steps.

When the "Transitioning" Become the "Transitioned"...

I'm officially coming out of the closet. At least here. I don't know exactly who reads this or how often, so this is kinda a big deal, but it's a smaller deal than let's say facebook or the entire world.

I'm a lactation consultant.

That's right. I wrote my exam. I am officially an IBCLC. I have an official card and pins and everything. And a certificate. That's right. I have a piece of paper and a PLASTIC card (no paper nonsense like my RN membership) with my full name on it. And 2 metal pins. All of them say that despite my procrastination and baby-brain and 2 children, I did over 1000 practicce hours, 75 hours of education, and passed a day-long exam and have now joined the ranks of International Board Certified Lactation Consultants. I could be hired at a hospital, have my own private practice, or work with doctors, midwives, or doulas.

But I am in hiding, mostly.

Why am I hiding? Because it feels safer. Because while this is a passion of mine, and a longterm dream, I think it's easier to not acknowledge it. At least not yet.

I look at other lactation consultants that I know (both with formal and informal training, both with formal and informal titles) and they're SO knowledgeable and SO smart. And I know all of my shortcomings, and I know all the things I don't know.

But I also understand that I will always be learning, and I will always be growing, and it takes time and practice to become who I see these other women as. And now, I'm just as qualified to do the job as any of them.

So I'm out of the closet. But don't tell your friends. At least not yet ;)