Movin' On Up!

**So in reality I started this really awesome blog post on my thoughts on motherhood, inspired by Mother's Day, and countless conversations with countless friends, but I'm still writing it. Unfortunately between work, an online lactation conference, countless sewing projects, and (oh yeah) KIDS, I don't have the time to do it justice yet. But it's coming, I promise**

We built a house in the year before we got married. We moved Hubby in September of 2004, and then in January, when we got married, I moved in. We built the house as our "5 year plan". We planned on buying bigger and better (and in a more ideal location) once we were settled into our careers, and basically once we had more money. We were both just graduating from university at the time.

We're now on year 7, and Princess starts school in a year! It's time to put up or shut up. In reality, it's not the end of the world to move while she's in school, but we've been talking about this for so long it's time to go. Almost everything in our lives happen in the other end of the city - we are driving there at least 3 times a week. We want to move closer to family, friends, and church.

We're getting realtors in to give us quotes and advice (we're still in the process of finishing the basement), and we're looking at listing anytime between this November, and next March (depending on the market, and when we get renos done). We're going in to meet with the bank after Hubby's next trip (that's right, he leaves again pretty soon for another week-long work trip, but that's a whole other post!) and see what we qualify for, and we're starting to browse MLS and coming up with our wishlist and listing priorities - we like the style of new-built homes, but we want a larger plot of land, so we're talking about what to compromise and how.

I am far too sentimental for all this stuff though... Hubby moved about 7 times before he came to the city for University (and has since lived in 3 different places within the city). I have moved 3 times. I lived in one house until I was 5, moved to the house my dad currently still lives in, moved out to an apartment for the year before I got married, and then moved into this house.

This is the house we built oursleves (well, not OURSELVES ourselves, but we picked out every aspect from carpet to light fixtures to placement of electrical outlets, and visited the worksite every week to watch it grow) the house we first occupied as newlyweds, and the house we brought our BABIES home from!! Princess' room is decorated with murals that Hubby painted just for her, and Tobes has a beautiful tree just for him. I have videos of Princess' first steps in the livingroom, and of Tobes crawling down the hallway at lightening speed.

I'm really excited for what the future has for us. I'm really excited for more space, and a new adventure in a new neighborhood. I just might need to take a bazillon pictures between now and then so that we never forget this house ;)

"On Vacation"

Sophie left yesterday to go to Greg's brother's for a "vacation"...

No, this is not a "went to the farm" thing, she didn't pass away, and it is a temporary thing.

My poor pup. The reality is we had more than enough time and love and care for her when we got her. We really did. Even with working fulltime our evenings and weekends were spent walking and playing with her, and she was our little puppy.

But with each child she has slowly started to regress. Nothing too major, but it was harder and harder to call her, she was stealing food, and just not listening anymore. She was jumping up on everyone, and barking at night. And it got to a point where Greg gave up, and I couldn't do it all on my own. And between the kids and Greg's travels, it was just too much to handle.

Greg's brother has 2 other dogs, and he's happy to have her while we all take a break. She'll get to play with her "cousins", and get walked and groomed and petted and played with as much as she wants. And we'll have a chance to take a break and actually miss her (though he's promised to bring her over whenever he comes over for dinners or BBQs during the summer). And hopefully in a few months she can come home again.

I'm trying to view this as a good thing. I'm trying to remember that it's not perminant, we didn't see this coming when we had kids, and that she'll be ok. That this is what's best for her. But it still sucks.

I miss my Sophie.

Little Miss Independant

I love her, I really do, but along the lines of Not Ready, I'm not ready for this independant phase.

This morning it was over what to have for breakfast. Usually she gets 2 options. She wanted neither. I stood firm, she told me I wasn't going to tell her what to do, and instead she was going to tell me what to do...

Le sigh.

It's a fine balance. The stubborn redhead in me wants to go all "No you didn't!" on her, but the parent in me is seeing that this is the stage where she starts to flex those independant muscles. She's in the "Initiative vs. Guilt" stage according to Erikson, where children begin asserting control and power over the environment. This is the time for Princess (an appropriate nickname right now! *lol*) to develop a sense of initiative and security. I want to nourish her ability to make decisions and take the lead. At the same time too, it is still my responsibility to guide her behavior and help her to learn what is and is not appropriate in relationships with others, and as a member of society. It's a time for me to pick my battles, all while maintaining appropriate "control" over the situation (and by "picking battles" and "control", I hope you understand what I mean.)

I recieved a book forever ago from a friend entitled "Christian Parenting & Child Care". I tucked it away, not thinking (my baby was... a BABY at the time, and I was overwhelmed with baby things), but then a few months ago a friend brought out her copy during a conversation we were having. I made mention I had the same book, but had brushed it aside, until my friend pointed out that it was by none other than my beloved Dr William Sears! *lol* I didn't even know it at the time!! So I've pulled out the book now and have promised myself that I will take the opportunity and time to read it through! I have not read nearly as much to prepare for this stage as I intended. (an unfortunate side-effect when much of her infancy was spent with me studying for my IBCLC) There are a few other books I want to gather from the library and read to equip myself with

In the meantime, I will continue to laugh, cry, be proud, and occasionally embarassed (though mostly proud. She's pretty awesome) by Little Miss Independant.

Not Ready

Princess and Tobes on St. Patrick's Day

Princess and the Tobe both have birthdays in 2 months. Tobes will be 1, Princess will be 4. I'm not ready.

We're done having children for a variety of reasons. The biggest one is that we just have no desire to have any more children. It's not even that we have a boy and a girl, we're just happy with our brood, and I don't know if I will ever have enough energy for the ones I have now - let alone for any more! ;)

So watching them hit milestones is hitting a cord right now. (Hitting a chord? I googled and both came up as correct... I mean whichever means stingy) I'm just not ready.

Princess will be 4 in the summer. She will be starting kindergarten not next year, but the year after. I'm not ready. She wants to write letters and is randomly starting to add (??) and she looks like a little girl now. I'm not ready for her to be a little girl yet, let alone want to write and add and do all sorts of grown-up things. She is fiercely independant, and wants to learn French and Spanish, and can't wait to go to school with a teacher, just like Sid the Science Kid. I'm just not ready.

Tobes will be 1. He has 2 teeth now, and 2 more coming in, and I've finally come to the realization that he has been saying "mum" for quite a few weeks now, and says it only in reference to me (when he's looking for me, when he's crying and wants to be picked up by me). He does not say it for anyone else. I am not ready for my youngest to talk yet. Are you KIDDING me?? And he is thisclose to walking. He's walking with 1 hand now, and crusing around furniture. And standing. He's freaking standing on his own now. I'm not ready for my youngest to have teeth and eat food and walk!

I wonder if I'd feel this strongly if we were planning on more kids - am I scared because I'll never experience these firsts again? Maybe.

But this insight still doesn't make me any more ready! ;)

Latest Song Obession

NeedtoBreathe Something Beautiful

I love it. I love the lyrics, I love the message, and I sing it all the time!!

In your ocean I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashing on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out
Yeah, I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown
Will you let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I'm in reach
Cause I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

And the water is rising quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side
No I can't leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I'm in reach
Cause I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

Dryclean Only

Labels. We've all got them. Some we're proud of ( "Daughter of God", "Mother", "Wife") and some we're not. Some we've given ourselves, and some are given to us.

I live with a lot of labels. I've recently played around with some different labels, most recently balancing crunchy momma (though as one of my besties, The Common Sense Crusaider, would point out, crunchy conservative is a much better fit) and suburban housewife. I'm struggling to keep the seemingly presigious SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom) label in my collection, despite the fact that at the end of next week, I start a pretty prestigious paid job (for us nurses, these teaching gigs don't just fall out of the sky!) Maybe I'm all of them. Maybe I'm none. And maybe that's ok.

Maybe I don't need to follow all the directions on the label exactly to be able to use it.

Sometimes You Just Need to Put on Your Big Girl Panties...

It's funny, I have used this phrase so many times in the past few months, but this time, I'm not talking about anyone else, I'm talking about me!

Greg is gearing up for another trip. While we didn't actually know his job would involve travelling when he took it, the trips have sadly become a large part of his job description. His work has taken him to India, China, Ireland, Singapore, as well as countless locations in the US and Canada. Unfortunately aside from taking an extra 2 days to see the Taj Mahal in India, and for a family vacation before his work in Ireland, he never gets to ENJOY the places he's travelling to. He's usually gone for at least a week, occasionally two, and it usually means that the weekend before and after are broken up with trips to the airport.

It's gotten easier as time has progressed. We've invested in our laptops so we can now webcam to chat so we don't miss a day of facetime :) And, sadly, I'm getting more use to him being gone. Before Princess came along, his trips would mean extra shifts and LOTS of overtime. If I wasn't at work, I was sleeping. It sucked, and I was lonely, but we managed. The extra $ from my overtime helped.

Now that the littles are here, I actually clear my schedule of work while he's gone. I try to maintain as much normalcy as possible for them. We usually follow the same pattern - first few days are lonely and out of sync, the next while we find our groove, and the last day or two take SO LONG to go by - it's an hour-by-hour countdown for Daddy's return.

It's time for me to put on my big-girl panties, and change my outward attitude for the littles. As Princess gets older and... develops independence (to put it nicely somedays!) I get a reminder that I am modeling every behaviour for her. So this trip I'm challenging myself. While I HATE when he's gone, I want to make his trips special for them. This means sleepovers in the big bed (Tobes is with us, but Princess sleeps in her own room otherwise), special outings, and special dinners. And hopefully by modelling better attitude for them, it'll help me feel better soon.

I hate when he's gone, but this is not the first, nor the last of his travelling. I might as well make the most of it!