Tonight sucked.
I worked at the NICU today. It's not an easy job, but it has always been something I've enjoyed (not always the politics, but the work itself has been rewarding). I used to say that for every sad ending, we had 10 happier ones. The walls of the unit are lined with letters and pictures and even scrapbook pages of our graduates. Are they "normal" and healthy? Not always. But every time a baby is born at as little as 25 weeks (remember that normal term gestation is 40-42 weeks) and survives it's a miracle.
Sometimes we have really sad stories. I used to be able to be compassionate to the parents, but ultimately remove myself from the situation long enough to work on the patient and stay focused. It has become exponentially harder now that I have children of my own.
Tonight was just one of those nights. Today was a little sad, and tonight it was so much harder for me to remove myself from the situation. It was so much harder to leave work at work and not think about it when I arrived home. Tonight kind of sucked.
The thought that keeps me going is that every time I face these babies, I am just that much more thankful for my own. Pregnancies are miracles. But nothing is guaranteed. Healthy babies and healthy children are absolute miracles too.
Goodnight. I am going to go cuddle the absolute miracle I call Tobes.
I have always admired the job you do, I know that I couldn't emotionally handle it. Really sorry you had a rough night, but I rejoice with you in your healthy, happy babies that really are miracles!
ReplyDeleteThank you Amanda. The admiration is certainly mutual - I've always been inspired by the work that you do as well!! *hugs*
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