Saturday, December 12, 2009

Leave it to the 2 year old to ruin Christmas!

It took me weeks to finally gather up the drive and motivation to start on the pajama pants I was making for my mom for Christmas. 2 pairs made of really pretty, really soft fleece! Yesterday I finally got my butt in gear, and all but finished the first of the two pairs. Knowing that it was just an hour before my mom would get there to babysit, I carefully packed away the pattern and instructions, and hid the fabric. All the pins, needles, and supplies were safely stowed just as my mom came to the door. Tara shouted in excitement and rushed to greet her Grammie. My mom wasn't even 2 steps in the door when Tara exclaimed "Grammie!! Mommy making pajama pants for you!!!"

Greg told me last night that while I was going to be at my spa appointment this morning (yes ladies, be jealous! ;)) he and Tara were going shopping. They were going to Home Depot, Canadian Tire, and "another store". This morning Tara woke up in a cheery mood and I brought her back into bed with us. She gave her daddy and hug and told me "We go to Old Maybe today!"

Now, it's not that we're expecting our little girl to keep secrets well, or know when she should say what, but we totally weren't prepared for her to be such a little blabbermouth! *lol*

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

SHAMED!

So it was bad enough to get the hints from Christy and Amanda that I didn't update this nearly enough (well, I guess conversations starting with "If you ever updated your blog..." or "Hey Erie, did you know that the last time you updated your blog was..." aren't really hints, are they?) But now my "cyber-hip" Kate flat out called me out on her blog today... So I will update ;) (Yes ladies, call me out in person, meh. Call me out in cyberspace, and I will respond!)

What's new in my world? We've been gearing up for the holidays! The house is decorated, the presents are bought and wrapped (except for Greg's... I have no idea what to get that man!) and I actually know what we're doing when for each day of the holidays to celebrate with each family member :) Every morning Tara reminds me to "turn on Christmas" (the lights) and she's really excited about the tree and everything.

It's nice because at this age she still has no clue what's going on, but she can retain so much more. She doesn't know that the gifts under the tree are much more than pretty packages wrapped in bright paper, that they're toys and things for her to play with. She doesn't know who Santa is other than the iconic bearded man in the red suit. She doesn't have a wishlist, and I can even get away with shopping for her Christmas gifts WITH her (a luxury that I'll definately miss when it's gone!) We're trying to keep emphasis on Jesus's Birthday (though that has lead to confusion conversations of who's birthday is when) and we're building traditions for our happy little family :) I'm REALLY excited for Christmas this year!

I must end this update with one of my favorite Tara-isms to date... No, I lie - I have 2.

First is from Greg. He took Tara shopping about a month back to "Old Maybe" because they were having a huge sale on men's sweaters. As he was trying them on (just over his shirt) Tara kept ooo-ing and ahh-ing and exclaiming "That so cute!!". She apparently also sorted through the lower racks of hanging clothes stating "That cute! Oh, that not my size. That not on sale." ... BUSTED!

Second is from last week... Tara was waiting at the front door for me as we were getting ready to go somewhere. After a failed attempt of opening the front door (it was still locked), she turned to me and shrugged, stating "Probably I can't open the stupid door because it's stuck"... BUSTED again!!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Dear God, Thank you Jesus. AMEN!

Tara has started to pray. It started in the car on Friday. I was going to my doctor appointment and feeling anxious. I was on the phone to Greg, and when I hung up the phone, I heard a little voice say "Amen!"...

"Tara, are you praying to Jesus?"
"Yes mommy! I pray to Jesus. Thank you Jesus, Amen!"

... Her prayers have now extended ever so slightly. Today she was at the top of her little slide when she said

"Mommy, I want to pray to Jesus. Dear God, thank you Jesus. Amen!"

If we're supposed to approach God with childlike faith, I think I've gotten too wordy!!!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

At a loss...

I have been trying to think of the right time to write this, the right time to share this news, and the right words to say. Then I realized that I'm probably not going to get them all right anyway, so why waste anymore time?

Greg and I miscarried on July 15th. I was 11 weeks plus 2 days, and started spotting, which turned into bleeding, which then (with some minor medical intervention) turned into a full blown miscarriage. The ultrasound said that the fetus probably stopped developing around the 5 week mark, meaning it took my body 6 more weeks to realize it. The most awful part about it was just that I couldn't do ANYTHING. I couldn't stop it, I couldn't make it go by faster, I just had to wait.

And that's where I still am. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for my body to get back to normal. I'm waiting to be able to start trying again. I'm waiting to get pregnant again and move on from this horrible limbo that I'm in.

And while I'm waiting I feel like I'm supposed to be more focused on the sadness of mourning this lost life, when really I feel like a life was never "lost", it was just lent to me for awhile. The "baby" never even developed as such - just a group of cells - one destined to be a placenta, one turning into a sac. What has been the hardest part is coping with the change. I was supposed to have my 12 week visit on Friday, and instead it was a post-miscarriage appointment. I bought summer maternity clothes because my bump developed at 9 weeks and it was hard to fit into my shorts anymore. I had figured out my delivery and contacted the doctor I was going to go with. We just started telling people, and now we had to keep track of who we told so that we could update them. It's hard because people don't seem to understand. I have been told by the healthcare team following me that I need to give myself time to grieve before I move on, and yet it's the moving on that I find comfort in. I feel so disjointed right now, and it feels like between the medication, the bloodwork, and appointments I eating, sleeping, breathing, and living this miscarriage.

I am tired of waiting. I am ready to move on. I just want to be back to normal again.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Why I Love Weddings...

It should come as no surprise to anyone by now that I love weddings. I heart them bad. I am a community leader on a wedding board, I would LOVE to be an event (wedding) planner someday, and my heart skips a beat when I get an invitation in the mail.

Why do I love them so much? I don't think I even totally knew until today.

Today I was at the wedding of a choir friend, and her sister did the sermonette, and it felt like she was speaking for me! I can't totally explain it, nor can I remember her words exactly to write them down here, but I'm going to try to list to you guys why I heart weddings.

1) On the spiritual plane, I love the what the Bible calls marriage to be. We are called to love each other like Jesus loves the church. Greg and I as husband and wife are called to be God's light to the world, and to show the world God's love to us! Greg and I are to love one another for who we are, where we are, and what we are. We are to devote ourselves to each other's wellbeing, wants, and needs.

2) I don't know if there's anything more romantic!! The entire day is centered around 2 people who are madly in love, who have decided to devote their lives to one another! Everyone is wearing pretty clothes, decked out in their finest, and the whole place is filled with love!!

3) I love the idea of marriage! I am in wonder and awe of the idea of two people chosing to spend the rest of their lives together, for better or for worse. The vows are so personal and so beautiful, if they're written by the couple, or something more "standard". It's a promise to be taken so seriously, and yet it's such a romantic notion!

4) Weddings are such a transforming day. If you think about it, it's witnessing the birth of a marriage. Two individuals start the day (usually apart), primping, preparing, nervous and excited. The ceremony begins, and they meet each other. Through the ceremony, no matter what elements are there, at some point the couple say their vows, promising themselves to one another. And then, the proclimation, and they are married! Two lives become one, two souls become one (if that's what you believe), and a marriage is born. Then it's time to party ;)

Something that did stick in my mind from today (the reception speeches) was that Marriage is a verb. It is something you do, not something you are. Greg and I take our marriage very seriously. We spent over a year preparing ourselves for it (I'm talking beyond wedding planning) and I think every wedding we attend is just another reminder of what we are called to do, and who we are called to be.

Not all weddings are equal, but big or small, elaborate or simple, as long as the couple (and family and friends) is serious about their marriage, it's the most beautiful event I could have the honor of being a part of :)

Thursday, June 25, 2009

What's This?!

When I was pregnant with Tara, I was paranoid. How much of this little baby's development is based on genes, and how much is based on environment? If I missed a meal (usually because it spent only a short time in my stomach thanks to morning sickness) or forgot my prenatals, did that mean she would be at a deficit later? How could I foster a love for learning that her father and I share? Would she know to question things, love to read books, and have a big imagination?

Any of those doubts have flown out the window. Tara is the inquisitive, intelligent little girl I always dreamed of.

Her latest phase, although annoying at times, might be my favorite. Her most used phrase right now is "What's this?!", usually said with wonder and awe. It could be about anything - who we've passed on the street, something she sees in a store, or on TV. I do my best to supply the simplest, but truest answer, which is responded to with "Oh yes! __________!" as though I've simply reminded her of what it is.

Sometimes we play this game all day! But it's how she's learning about the world around her, and I'm happy to take part!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Obsessed!

Tara has now become a fan of all things "Princess". I thought that if it was pink or frilly she was drawn to it instantly. The Disney Store was having a HUGE sale and she got a pretty pink dress with sparkly flowers and Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) on it, as well as a "gown". Not the tulle-y, fluffy, fancy princess gowns (those were still very, VERY expensive, but I'm saving my pennies!) but a pink satin gown with little ruffles all over the skirt, and a picture of 3 princesses (Belle, Aurora, and Cinderella) on it. She picked out 2 pairs of sparkly pink flipflops to go along with her outfits.

She naps in her Princess bed, usually in her favorite Princess pajamas, and every morning she wakes up asking for her Princess dress...

I THOUGHT that if it was pink or frilly she was drawn to it instantly... Nope! This morning her "Princess dress" was a blue frock that I used to wear as a child. I thought she'd DIE if we watched a Princess movie, but a few minutes in, she was asking for Max and Ruby (I even fast-forwarded to all the Princess parts!) And her "Princess cup" of choice this morning was the green tupperware tumbler.

And now she's playing with her "Princess cars" (hotwheels)...

I realize now her only exposure to anything remotely Princess-related has been the episode where Ruby puts on a play about 2 princesses who go to the ball, and the Disney faces that are plastered on her bed, toy cellphone, her pajamas, and 2 new dresses.

"Princess" has taken on the meaning of "I really like this, and think it's cool" and I'm ok with that ;)

Besides, it's only 5 years until we take her to meet real princesses... In Disneyland! ;)

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Tara Turns Two...

This Thursday my daughter will officially be two, and I am just not ready. There's no way of going about it. SHE is not old enough to be two.

In the past month, she had really grown up. She is speaking fuller than full sentances, she has mastered "I" vs "You", though she still gets caught up with verbs (like "I are"). She has switched from "needing" everything, to "need wanting" some things, "needing" others. She is drinking from a big girl cup, has all but mastered the art of cutlery, and hates getting her hands dirty!

She can dance, and run, and jump. She can stand on one foot (WITHOUT help, though it doesn't last long, of course!) She climbs on everything, walks backwards around the house, and insists on doing things by herself!

But she's really not old enough to be two!!

Friday, May 8, 2009

I Hate That You Go...

I always feel torn. I am so proud of my husband and always have been. Travelling is part of his job, and he loves it. It's a big deal that he's the trusted representative of his department and go on these big trips. But I miss him so much when he's gone. The house is quiet, and it's lonely. I have plenty of friends, but it's not the same. I'm lonely without him.

It's hard to strike a balance between loving and supportive, and selfish and needy ;)

Monday, April 27, 2009

This always happens...

It's not that I've forgotten my poor little journal, I just don't feel like I have much to write. I am typing from my totally rad new laptop though, and that makes me happy!

I have recaught my head cold, and that does not make me happy. I promise that when I have time and a clear head to think, I'll come up with something more interesting to say ;)

Thursday, March 19, 2009

A Regal Greeting.

This morning Tara came down the hall and said "Hi Mommy", to which I replied "Hi Princess!" to which she said "Hi Princess!"

And it made me smile :)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

It's just stuff...

What was a fantastic family trip ended in minor tradegy when our laptop (and ALL of our photos!) went missing. We have little hope of it being returned, and I still cry about it off and on...

I need to take up Greg's mantra of "It's just stuff"... All of Tara's first year photos are backed up on CD. Most of her second year are online. Her list of firsts is gone, but thankfully I had updated her babybook beforehand and so I still have some things.

It sickens me to think of someone wiping the harddrive, but I hope that's what happened... Otherwise all of our personal photos are out there somewhere in someone else's hands. It's hard to think about without having a panic attack or crying...

It's just stuff. And God has already poured his grace on us. Photos that I thought were lost forever were found. There is a slight chance that the pictures on the camera card that I loaded onto the laptop halfway through our trip and then deleted can be salvaged (please pray! We'll know more tomorrow!!) We have possibly found sources for the money that we will need to spend to replace what was lost.

And God has given me a working copy of Corner Gas Season 5!! I had found my original, WORKING copy the night before the trip, and so brought it along, and it was in the laptop case that was taken. But the most recent version that Greg picked up for me on Monday seems to be working.

God is good, and it's just stuff...

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Taken Me This Long?

How come it has taken me 26 years to experience High Tea at the Empress? It certainly wasn't my first visit to Victoria! How come it was taken me this long to meet the people I have, or make the new friendships I've made?

Random things to think about... :)

Monday, March 2, 2009

The Littlest Dictator...

Throughout the day today, if I'm wasn't where Tara was and she wanted that changed, she'd come up to me and demand that I "SIT!". I wasn't moving fast enough, and she started to smack the floor where I was supposed to be, her voice getting louder and louder and shriller and shriller...

It's cute, when I don't focus on who's in charge of who...

Friday, February 27, 2009

Little Arms Full of Large Things...

Tara is walking around the livingroom with a bowl of apple slices, a spoon, a cardboard box, two pieces of paper, a shoe, her sippy cup, a book, and a broken pen.

Please and Thank You!

Tara hasn't gotten the hang of saying "please" on her own yet, but we're working on it. Right now when she asks for things we way "what do you say?" and she's very quick to add "please". Something that's come out of left-field has been the "thank you"! All morning she's thanked me every time I've gotten her something or passed something to her without prompting!

When she's not kicking or screaming or throwing things or being naughty, she's quite a polite little girl!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Let the world stand still for awhile...

No matter how hard I try, no matter what we do, it feels like I never get a chance to catch my breath. Last weekend was WONDERFUL. It was an amazing time spent with fantastic friends. But it went by too quickly. I wanted Saturday to last forever. Then I begged for Sunday to pause a little bit so that I would have more time with these amazing friends.

I'll be back in less than 2 weeks, which is exciting, but at the same time it also means that I need to scramble to do laundry again and pack again. The weekend before we leave will be spent with BIL, which is awesome as we haven't seen him since Christmas.

The weekend before that is next weekend, and I'm working on Sunday. I wanted to take Saturday off and do absolutely nothing, but we still have church in the evening.

Everything is fun and exciting and new, but I do wish I could hit the "pause" button once and awhile, and catch my breath!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I don't say it "Posh" enough...

I'm going to Vancouver tomorrow!!!! I'm so excited! I have my bag packed, and everything ready to go! Why am I going? Because a dear friend of mine is turning 25, and her mom is throwing her the parties to beat all parties!

Yes, that's right my friends - Tara and I are flying to Vancouver for 3 days JUST to attend a birthday party.

I need to practice my Posh accent...

*****

Oh, and just to prove that my daughter really *is* the cutest little girl ever, tonight Greg was playing her toy bodhran, and she started dancing around. We had this little tribal drums/dance session in our livingroom. Gosh darnit she's adorable!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Her words...

As of right now, at the age of 20 months, Princess says the following words:

apple
banana
mac 'n' cheese
water
juice
cheese
bread
milk
ham
snack
more
fork
spoon
bowl
cup
please

sit
up
down
stairs
chair
step
door
open
close

mommy
daddy
Sophie
Nanny
Tara
Jeff
Amber
Sarah
James
Stacie
Kim
Austyn
Zack
Nathan
Christy

picture
color
draw
ball
baby

shirt
pants
sock
shoe
hair
brush

teeth
arm
hand
elbow
knee
foot
ear
eye
mouth
nose

hi
bye

"see you"
"I love you!"
"I'll get you"
"all done"

... There's more, but that's what I remember right now! She's definately her mother's daughter. And every day she's surprising us with another word!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

It's been a long time...

I have a journal on mustloveweddings.com, but not everyone can read it, and sometimes my thoughts are clouded between conversations with my friends.

I used to have a blog. I used to have a few blogs, but as time progressed I lost interest. I hope that can change. I hope I can keep up this time.

I'm hoping to be able to use this blog to keep tabs on what's happening in my life. Greg and I just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary, and Tara will be 20 months old on Wednesday.

I lead a very blessed life. I have to remind myself from time to time ;)