"On Vacation"

Sophie left yesterday to go to Greg's brother's for a "vacation"...

No, this is not a "went to the farm" thing, she didn't pass away, and it is a temporary thing.

My poor pup. The reality is we had more than enough time and love and care for her when we got her. We really did. Even with working fulltime our evenings and weekends were spent walking and playing with her, and she was our little puppy.

But with each child she has slowly started to regress. Nothing too major, but it was harder and harder to call her, she was stealing food, and just not listening anymore. She was jumping up on everyone, and barking at night. And it got to a point where Greg gave up, and I couldn't do it all on my own. And between the kids and Greg's travels, it was just too much to handle.

Greg's brother has 2 other dogs, and he's happy to have her while we all take a break. She'll get to play with her "cousins", and get walked and groomed and petted and played with as much as she wants. And we'll have a chance to take a break and actually miss her (though he's promised to bring her over whenever he comes over for dinners or BBQs during the summer). And hopefully in a few months she can come home again.

I'm trying to view this as a good thing. I'm trying to remember that it's not perminant, we didn't see this coming when we had kids, and that she'll be ok. That this is what's best for her. But it still sucks.

I miss my Sophie.

Little Miss Independant

I love her, I really do, but along the lines of Not Ready, I'm not ready for this independant phase.

This morning it was over what to have for breakfast. Usually she gets 2 options. She wanted neither. I stood firm, she told me I wasn't going to tell her what to do, and instead she was going to tell me what to do...

Le sigh.

It's a fine balance. The stubborn redhead in me wants to go all "No you didn't!" on her, but the parent in me is seeing that this is the stage where she starts to flex those independant muscles. She's in the "Initiative vs. Guilt" stage according to Erikson, where children begin asserting control and power over the environment. This is the time for Princess (an appropriate nickname right now! *lol*) to develop a sense of initiative and security. I want to nourish her ability to make decisions and take the lead. At the same time too, it is still my responsibility to guide her behavior and help her to learn what is and is not appropriate in relationships with others, and as a member of society. It's a time for me to pick my battles, all while maintaining appropriate "control" over the situation (and by "picking battles" and "control", I hope you understand what I mean.)

I recieved a book forever ago from a friend entitled "Christian Parenting & Child Care". I tucked it away, not thinking (my baby was... a BABY at the time, and I was overwhelmed with baby things), but then a few months ago a friend brought out her copy during a conversation we were having. I made mention I had the same book, but had brushed it aside, until my friend pointed out that it was by none other than my beloved Dr William Sears! *lol* I didn't even know it at the time!! So I've pulled out the book now and have promised myself that I will take the opportunity and time to read it through! I have not read nearly as much to prepare for this stage as I intended. (an unfortunate side-effect when much of her infancy was spent with me studying for my IBCLC) There are a few other books I want to gather from the library and read to equip myself with

In the meantime, I will continue to laugh, cry, be proud, and occasionally embarassed (though mostly proud. She's pretty awesome) by Little Miss Independant.

Not Ready

Princess and Tobes on St. Patrick's Day

Princess and the Tobe both have birthdays in 2 months. Tobes will be 1, Princess will be 4. I'm not ready.

We're done having children for a variety of reasons. The biggest one is that we just have no desire to have any more children. It's not even that we have a boy and a girl, we're just happy with our brood, and I don't know if I will ever have enough energy for the ones I have now - let alone for any more! ;)

So watching them hit milestones is hitting a cord right now. (Hitting a chord? I googled and both came up as correct... I mean whichever means stingy) I'm just not ready.

Princess will be 4 in the summer. She will be starting kindergarten not next year, but the year after. I'm not ready. She wants to write letters and is randomly starting to add (??) and she looks like a little girl now. I'm not ready for her to be a little girl yet, let alone want to write and add and do all sorts of grown-up things. She is fiercely independant, and wants to learn French and Spanish, and can't wait to go to school with a teacher, just like Sid the Science Kid. I'm just not ready.

Tobes will be 1. He has 2 teeth now, and 2 more coming in, and I've finally come to the realization that he has been saying "mum" for quite a few weeks now, and says it only in reference to me (when he's looking for me, when he's crying and wants to be picked up by me). He does not say it for anyone else. I am not ready for my youngest to talk yet. Are you KIDDING me?? And he is thisclose to walking. He's walking with 1 hand now, and crusing around furniture. And standing. He's freaking standing on his own now. I'm not ready for my youngest to have teeth and eat food and walk!

I wonder if I'd feel this strongly if we were planning on more kids - am I scared because I'll never experience these firsts again? Maybe.

But this insight still doesn't make me any more ready! ;)

Latest Song Obession

NeedtoBreathe Something Beautiful

I love it. I love the lyrics, I love the message, and I sing it all the time!!

In your ocean I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashing on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out
Yeah, I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown
Will you let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I'm in reach
Cause I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

And the water is rising quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side
No I can't leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I'm in reach
Cause I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

Dryclean Only

Labels. We've all got them. Some we're proud of ( "Daughter of God", "Mother", "Wife") and some we're not. Some we've given ourselves, and some are given to us.

I live with a lot of labels. I've recently played around with some different labels, most recently balancing crunchy momma (though as one of my besties, The Common Sense Crusaider, would point out, crunchy conservative is a much better fit) and suburban housewife. I'm struggling to keep the seemingly presigious SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom) label in my collection, despite the fact that at the end of next week, I start a pretty prestigious paid job (for us nurses, these teaching gigs don't just fall out of the sky!) Maybe I'm all of them. Maybe I'm none. And maybe that's ok.

Maybe I don't need to follow all the directions on the label exactly to be able to use it.

Sometimes You Just Need to Put on Your Big Girl Panties...

It's funny, I have used this phrase so many times in the past few months, but this time, I'm not talking about anyone else, I'm talking about me!

Greg is gearing up for another trip. While we didn't actually know his job would involve travelling when he took it, the trips have sadly become a large part of his job description. His work has taken him to India, China, Ireland, Singapore, as well as countless locations in the US and Canada. Unfortunately aside from taking an extra 2 days to see the Taj Mahal in India, and for a family vacation before his work in Ireland, he never gets to ENJOY the places he's travelling to. He's usually gone for at least a week, occasionally two, and it usually means that the weekend before and after are broken up with trips to the airport.

It's gotten easier as time has progressed. We've invested in our laptops so we can now webcam to chat so we don't miss a day of facetime :) And, sadly, I'm getting more use to him being gone. Before Princess came along, his trips would mean extra shifts and LOTS of overtime. If I wasn't at work, I was sleeping. It sucked, and I was lonely, but we managed. The extra $ from my overtime helped.

Now that the littles are here, I actually clear my schedule of work while he's gone. I try to maintain as much normalcy as possible for them. We usually follow the same pattern - first few days are lonely and out of sync, the next while we find our groove, and the last day or two take SO LONG to go by - it's an hour-by-hour countdown for Daddy's return.

It's time for me to put on my big-girl panties, and change my outward attitude for the littles. As Princess gets older and... develops independence (to put it nicely somedays!) I get a reminder that I am modeling every behaviour for her. So this trip I'm challenging myself. While I HATE when he's gone, I want to make his trips special for them. This means sleepovers in the big bed (Tobes is with us, but Princess sleeps in her own room otherwise), special outings, and special dinners. And hopefully by modelling better attitude for them, it'll help me feel better soon.

I hate when he's gone, but this is not the first, nor the last of his travelling. I might as well make the most of it!

Mompetition...

OMG

A friend of mine shared a youtube goodie with me last summer. I watched it, giggled, and thought of all the people I could fit into either part of the conversation. But a bored blog-browsing session today led me to stumble upon her blog, as well as her youtube channel.

While I definately have more crunch to me than this woman, at the end of the day she's not about breastfeeding vs. formula feeding. She's not about homebirths vs. hospital births. She's not about circumcision vs. intact. Her videos are a poignant reminder of just how some of us moms can come across, and how batcrap crazy we can sound!!

Dudes, remember what you're fighting for, and who you're fighting! ;)

And watch her videos. Seriously, they're awesome.

Blogging for the sake of it ;)

I'm still trying to figure out what I want this little blog to be. Some blog about a struggle they are battling with, some blog about their families, some blog about their work, some blog about causes. I'm guessing this will probably turn into one about my family. As I start to think about launching a business for myself, I am considering HOW and WHAT PART I want to brand. I'm thinking of launching a seperate blog and twitter account for writing about advocacy, and lactation-related goodies. But I'm hoping to keep this one up and going as well. I want to blog more often about my family. I am AWFUL at keeping up baby books. Hopefully taking the time to blog or journal a little bit every day will at least give me a point a reference when I look back in a year and try to remember what The Tobes was like at 9 months old, or what hilarious things Princess said (the other day, she tried to convince me that I should watch TV instead of playing on the computer, becasue the TV was so much better... "Tangled" was in the DVD player on our laptop...) So yeah. Blogging for the sake of it right now, but hopefully I'll take better advantage of this little blog o' mine ;)