The New Normal

This post was first written two Augusts ago, and then re-visited last August. Third time is a charm for this one. It started out as a terrified collection of thoughts about what school would look like for Princess, as well as the rest of us. The next year I wrote about our "New Normal" - Princess in full-day school, Tobes at home all day with me, and "big kid" activities like dance and gymnastics to juggle. This year, "The New Normal" means a happy return to routine, but also a calmness about and recognition of the fact I am in a new and different place. My whole family is.

I have lived in the "baby" space for a long time, even before my own children. I chose babies as my career. For 10 years (this October), I have been taking care of babies and their families. I have been snuggling, feeding, sniffing (don't judge - babies smell awesome), changing diapers, and rocking them to sleep. I have taught parents how to do basic baby care, and breastfeed. Before my children were born, my friends started to have kids, making me a proud (honorary) Auntie, and Godmother. As my own children have grown, many other friends have had many more babies, giving me more "nieces", "nephews", and another Godchild. Many (almost all) of my close friends are in the baby space now, and I am happy to talk about diapers, breastfeeding, babywearing, and how awesome babies smell (seriously!! they do!!)

But that is not my family's space anymore, and sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I forget that I have a 7-year-old. She is going into Grade 2 in just 15 days (as she is quick to remind me, and thankfully also quick to reassure me that I can still call her my "baby girl"), and while she LOVES all the little kids in our lives and loves to play with them and help them, she is also old enough to start choosing to play more with kids her own age, and making friends independently of my friends. She is old enough to go to friends houses without me, have sleepovers, and start to become a little bit more independent from me.

My youngest is 4. In 15 days it'll go back to just me and my "buddy" all day, but this is the last year I get that. Next year he's off to kindergarten. My husband and I talked long and hard about whether or not to send him to preschool this year, and while I feel right with our decision not to (Princess never did, and we feel like it's the right choice to keep Tobes at home as well, though I can't put into words why), I worried for a long time that part of the reason was just so I could keep little just a little bit longer. But next year he will start half-day kindergarten, giving me 3 solid hours a day that I will be completely alone. In just over 3 weeks, he will be starting back into gymnastics. He is old enough to be in an unparented program, so I will sit and sip my tea for an hour a week while he flips and tips and runs around the gym.

This summer both of them were in unparented swimming lessons, and Princess went to a bike camp that was 3 hours a day for a week. This summer there were days I barely saw them except to doll out food or grab their water bottles from the upper cupboard. Summer reading club this year has gone well, with Princess and Tobes often huddling in one of their beds together, Princess reading him his stories. There has been more than one night where they have requested she read the bedtime story to him, alone, and Hubbyman and I can come in after to tuck them in.

I still have a few wraps that sit lonely in my closet, unless I am babysitting my Goddaughter, or a very rare occasion when Tobes wants "uppy". I have a TON of books on breastfeeding and babycare, but those are now filed away in my "office space" (cupboard) to refer to for my clients, and the change table we used for Princess has been converted into her dresser. I keep buckets of toys for when little littles come over to play, but otherwise their toy space has been taken over by legos, 100 piece puzzles, and board games.

I love babies, and I'm sad that stage of my personal life is over, but I'm excited for this new stage. I'm excited for who my kids are growing up to be, for each of them to gain more independence and make more decisions for themselves.

I'm also thankful for all my friends with babies who let me squish them and smell them. Because babies smell awesome.