I Gotta Be Me, and You Can Be Me too.

Since when did getting pregnant mean I was no longer able to make good decisions for myself?

It seems like forever ago when I wrote this post. It also seems like forever ago since I wrote this post. (It also seems like forever ago since I tagged my posts, which I need to start doing again. But that's beside the point...)

Yesterday a bunch of moms came under attack. Yesterday a mom came personally under attack both publicly and privately. Yesterday a bunch of moms felt attacked. Yesterday a bunch of moms attacked... each other. It's not the first time I've witnessed it or been a part of it, either. This time it was over SAHMs, WAHMs, and WOHMs (Stay-at-home moms, work-at-home moms, and work-out-of-the-home moms), who had it harder, who did what by who's choice, and who had what right to complain about it. I would reference the blog posts in question, but one post has since been removed by the author, and the other post's comment section turned into a gigantic sh*tball of inflammatory comments. Anderson did a recent show on the topic, Dr. Phil did one awhile back, and depending on what studies you read, working outside the home will kill your children, but staying at home will kill you (maybe a slight exaggeration, but I got sick of reading abstracts after about an hour). And proclaiming to be part of either group will open you up to a world of criticism on your parenting, your marriage, and your worth as a woman, a mother, and a human being.

As for where I stand, I am all 3, and yet none of the above by any of the group's standards (and have been told so before by "members" of each group). I am a SAHM in the sense that I am with my kids 90% of the time. My career path was chosen because I wanted to stay at home, and career opportunities were passed on as well. But some wouldn't consider me a SAHM because I bring in an income, and occasionally work outside the home ("occasionally" being a max of 30 hours a month). I am a WAHM in the sense that I take away time from playing with the kids or doing housework on occasion to sit in the kitchen to do research, edit power points, type up brochures/lesson plans/etc for a business that I own, but I am not a WAHM because at this point I am still in the start-up phase for some aspects of my ventures, and am not full-time. I am a WOHM in the sense that occasionally I work in-hospital, and have to balance childcare, my schedule, and the schedule of my employer, and I spend sometimes 10+ hours away from my children, but I am not a WOHM because I dictate a large part of my schedule, including deciding when I do and do not want to come in, and am out of the house an average 7 hours a week, versus the standard 40+ hours a week that is considered fulltime. What part of my life do I think is easiest? Depends on the day. It depends on the work I'm doing, the mood the kids are in, and whether or not I'm solo-parenting.

There's a whole world of guilt associated with motherhood already. We are constantly questioned on our choices and actions. If you don't breastfeed you've failed. If you co-sleep you're going to kill your child. If you babywear you're going to spoil your baby. If you set your baby down you're never going to bond with them. It's kind of ridiculous. We have enough going on without arguing with each other. You'd think that the people most sensitive to the judgment, stigmas, and doubt would be fellow moms.

Apparently I was wrong. I can shrug off random people telling me what is or isn't good for my kid when they're childless. It's cliche, but you have no idea what it's like, and I know your opinions might change once you're in my position. I am shocked, however, at the lack of compassion I've witnessed recently online. You yourselves are mothers. Even if you don't understand, can't you empathize? I'm a breastfeeding advocate. It's part of my job. I get paid for it, and my reputation depends on it. And the best I can hope for is that you make whatever decision you want to make with the correct information, which I can provide you. After that, whether or not you chose to breastfeed is actually none of my business, and I will support you either way because I can imagine that you aren't just randomly making decisions. You're basing it on the needs and well-being of you and your family. That goes beyond to the rest of parenting as well. I don't know why you're returning to work after 6 weeks, why your baby sleeps in his own room, why you're using cloth diapers, or why you're not buying a stroller, but I'm sure you've got your reasons. I just hope that you've educated yourself and are making decisions with current, correct information in-hand.

These so-called Mommy wars are nothing new, and I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. But this is ridiculous.